A new year. However we slice it, and whether we think in terms of goals, plans, vision boards, New Year’s resolutions or noting in particular, it’s nigh on impossible to not see an ending. A new beginning. An invitation to inventory and wrap up, to evaluate our priorities and what’s really important to us.
For me, it becomes very clear that the most important thing is that I have, or that I keep finding my way back to, the connection with myself. The real connection — the awareness of what I want, perhaps most important of all: how I’m feeling inside right now. This connection with, understanding of and love for myself, just as I am at this moment — not who I might one day become, who I was yesterday or who I think I’ll be in a little while, but the “me” that’s here right this instant.
Spokes in the wheel
I used to harbour two misunderstandings that messed up this presence with myself. Firstly, I believed it was a sign of weakness to sometimes “need” help from others in establishing this connection with myself. And secondly, I believed that the fewer unwelcome emotions I allowed in my awareness, the better I’d feel.
Well. As you might guess (or, obviously, have realised from the start, as not every one is the same kind of thick-headed as yours truly), these beliefs are a) not at all true and b) in direct opposition to what I wanted to accomplish. I noticed that my emotions, moods and states were actually excellent signposts — and, on top of that, the only true ticket to the real connection with myself — the real “myself”, not the image I was trying to create. Furthermore, I realised that the “weakness” of inviting someone else into this process was one of the most loving things I could do for myself.
Connecting and letting go
When I let my decisions and choices come out of this inner connection, events usually turn out quite nice. Often things happen that I might not have foreseen, and which would never have ended up on any vision board — but which were precious additions to my life. Finding that balance — an ever more balanced blend between openness and allowing on one hand and wishes, longings and plans on the other — is what I’d like to create more source for in the year to come.
What do you want more of in your life? ❤️
