The below blog entries all focus on inner growth and our various ways to get there. Since some of them also include other tags, the same articles might show up in other collections, too.
The most basic definition of freedom — not only “free will”, but one that we actually utilize?
“Freedom” is a pretty standard and high-ranking post on lists on things worth having. We want to be free, break free, be uninhibited, unrestrained, untethered, not in anyone else’s captivity or control, and generally free to be our own person, to choose what we actually want — right? Obviously, freedom can mean many different things, both with regard to which scale…
Spiritual and emotional work — a merger we can’t quite escape and a portal to deeper growth
The other day, I came across the question, What have you learned about the relationship between the emotional and the spiritual work? My response was that to me, any true spiritual work needs to come after, or even spring out of, emotional work — otherwise the “spirituality” stays on the surface, as fluff, while the real thing eludes us. But the…
Holidays, family, peace, and growth — one holy mess
With the Festive Season upon us, all manner of things-that-only-need-to-be-dealt-with-once-a-year appear on the horizon. Preparations. Money worries. Decisions. Actual celebrations. Handling family. Or a mere getting through it in one piece. Any of which can sometimes feel like a great accomplishment. Out of those who relate to the concept of Christmas in the first place, I think an overwhelming majority strongly…
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THE THIRD KEY: The specific realm of awareness for each instinctual drive
My “5 keys to understanding the instincts” are based upon what has come up in my instincts courses as well as my general observations in discussions around this topic, and I think they clear up some of the confusion in this area. If “the instincts” don’t make sense, in my experience, it’s usually because one of these has not been taken…
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Sitting in the fire together — or maybe just coming together around it
No. We know discussing others’ types will not help us know ourselves. Nor will nailing down our own personality profile to the smallest detail, or finding an Enneagram author who seems to capture “me” perfectly in one of their descriptions. Typing yourself in yet another system won’t do it. Or discussing theories. And contrary to seemingly popular belief, discussing facts won’t…
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“No” — such a small word; such huge ripples
The little word “no” is an interesting one. Kids are usually around two or so when they discover the power of this word. It represents the prospect of autonomy, my right to assert myself against someone else’s instructions, suggestions, or rulings. There is power there. There are my rights, as an individual. There is so much more there than these two…
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Where It Takes Only One to Tango — and Falling from the Dance into the Heart
We, or our ego mind, likes to see things dualistically. As opposites — or, by all means, as complimentary powers; the ego isn’t necessarily opposed to those, either. But it always seems to be about two ends of a stick, with us somewhere in between — usually closer to either, sticking to one or bouncing back and forth between extremes. In…
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Behaviour, motivations, or “this thing I’ll just do first” — the true meaning of Enneagram types
In all the navigating between type descriptions, often we might fail to realise the important bit first: Our Enneagram type is not “what we do”. Neither is it our motivations for doing what we do (even if that’s usually a more productive perspective). We do a lot of things, and we have lots of different (and sometimes even conflicting) motivations. Approached…
Deeper Inner Work: Balancing the Centres (yes, all of them!)
For our self-awareness and depth of presence to be of any real substance, it requires balance in and between our three basic centres of intelligence: the gut, the heart and the head. In this article, I wanted to present, in brief, what this means (and how it looks when the balance is off). The Gut Centre — wants, drive, resistance, and…
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Words, context, and nuance — and one particular, natural talent that goes missing on social media
Recently, I saw an online meme saying: “The opposite of judgement is understanding.” And someone commented, “What about acceptance?”, to which the poster replied, “I can understand without accepting.” I was about to reply, “I can understand and still judge” — but then I realised the ensuing discussion would require so much unpacking that I didn’t really have the time for…
About the need for “refined typing”: the relationship between type-identification, self-awareness, and inner work
“I find the Enneagram constricting and limiting, encouraging you to work with just one type. We do have all nine types within us; the really great teachers all say that.” Yes. And do you know what? They all, also, teach that one of them is going to be “your type”; if it weren’t, the Enneagram of Personality Types would be completely…
Letting the ego out to play, doing actual inner work — and the wisdom to know the difference
The other day when I found myself having (yet) another insolent thought about the ever-more-prevalent occurrence of collages in social media Enneagram groups, I thought, “OK, but what’s the problem? I can just scroll past them, after all.” So I reflected on the matter for a bit, and this article is springing from that reflection. You what kind of collages I’m…
Wants, needs, and levels of balance — what “psychological maturity” looks like
A while back, in a presentation of Don Riso’s “Levels of Development” a question around wants and needs came up — do they go away at the healthy levels, or change? Is detachment from wants and needs what we’re after in our strive for balance and diminished ego-identification? Here are some further thoughts on the topic.
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You can get lost in the light, too — mind the #1 spiritual bypass
Where inner growth is concerned, the point surely is weeding out darkness, airing out what’s been bottled up and increasingly dwell in the light — yes? Weeeell. As it turns out, hiding out in “the light” and chastising itself from there a favourite pastime for the ego. Of course, this may not be news exactly. But yet, I encounter people who…
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Love, human connection and all the interpretations of “merging” — another go at untangling the confusion
I previously wrote a blog article on the difference between merging, as it is expressed within the sexual instinct, and the dissipating blending (in)action that average Nines, in particular, are famous for engaging in when they don’t want to stand out or assert themselves. Lately, I’ve witnessed debates on much the same topic, but sometimes with the concept of merging love…
Self-awareness: Learning to be present to your experience (and your reactivity)
In self-help books and teachings, there is often talk about the importance of self-observation or self-awareness; to train yourself to be aware in and with yourself and what happens within you in response to various situations. At first, this might sound a bit, “duh”. “Of course I’m present to my experience — I’m having it, right?” Well. Often, we are going…
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“Identification” in our instinctual drives — distinguishing personality from instinct
Did you hear about the notion that you can be either positively negatively identified with any instinctual drive — regardless of where this drive features in your preferential “stack”? Here I’ll say something about this perspective and point to some of the common misunderstandings that make this information seem like a game-changer when it comes to understanding the instincts. My response…
“Anger” is not one thing — how generalisations and simplifications squelch our inner experience
Lately, I’ve seen a lot of different posts on the topic of anger on social media, in and out of the Enneagram context. How anger is destructive. How it’s constructive. How it needs to be worked through. How it is a natural part of being human and not something that needs to be fixed. How it is a sign of health…
Growth hovering — substituting a new and improved intellectual grasp for actual experience
Are you prone to growth hovering? We all are, at least on and off, since this is one of the ego’s favourite activities. But since growth hovering is not actual growth — but excels at masquerading as just that — the challenge is to sense when orientation and overview falls over into hoarding and hovering, postponing any real inner work, and…
Did you only learn it, or did you actually get it? The importance of zooming out
We hear a lot about understanding the Enneagram, as such — the system, the types, the arrows, the instincts, and so on. But we hear less about understanding the teachings about these things, in themselves. The expression “it’s not rocket science” is very true here, but not in the conventional meaning. Rather, what we need to realise is, it’s not like…
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Trauma, healing and our instinctual reality — your gut looking out for you
Trauma* is a therapeutic chapter of its own. There’s talk of emotional trauma, and psychological trauma, and of course physical trauma. Instincts, though, are rarely discussed — likely because we don’t tend to be aware of them as everyday companions. But maybe we ought to be. Trauma can be radical, dramatic and life-changing. But there are also smaller, sometimes but not…
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”Whip-and-carrot” or self-compassion? Critical aspects of working with the instincts
Any inner work, and working with the instincts in particular, requires a generous helping of self-compassion. When the ego gets involved — and it likes to do that 😉 — sometimes we fall prey to a “whip-and-carrot” approach to our own evolution. From a purely transactional standpoint, this seems reasonable. But here’s why it’s not. In our world, we’re used to…
Why understanding and awareness of instinctual drives is integral to inner growth
What is real inner growth? Is it identifying and detaching from the ego? Is it owning your feelings? Is it learning to be still, to voluntarily cease thinking, to float above everyday pains and sorrows? Is it not succumbing to angry outbursts — or rather learning to express your anger for once in a while? There sure are many recipes for…
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Reflections regarding a radically relevant resolution
A new year. However we slice it, and whether we think in terms of goals, plans, vision boards, New Year’s resolutions or noting in particular, it’s nigh on impossible to not see an ending. A new beginning. An invitation to inventory and wrap up, to evaluate our priorities and what’s really important to us. For me, it becomes very clear that…
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What inner work and self-discovery is really about
Recent events brought to light for me how harshly we seem to judge ourselves for being human, and — paradoxically — for being willing to grow. Does that sound strange? It is. But it’s also very normal. We might think we behave badly, that we appear foolish or flawed, when we’re just doing what we’re capable of in the moment —…
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Bringing the space — our collective need for room to digest and process
When I have had Enneagram courses, we’ve looked into the Hornevian groups. We look at the different social strategies, what they are and what they contribute. Usually, we have the different groups gather and reflect on themselves and the others. And often, the same thing happens — a thing which, as I see it, illustrates a deep need in our current…
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But what if I don’t know where to start?
I’m not quite ready yet. I need to check a few things first. Prepare some more. Consider some things. Sometimes, we postpone starting something because the decision has not quite landed. But sometimes, we do know what we want. What we long for. What we’d like to experince. When this is the case for you, do you get going? Do you…
Identifying and neutralising the inner critic
“The inner critic”, the superego or our “internal judge” have been given many names throughout history. It is the aspect of us that judges, criticises, questions, has opinions and routinely rains on parades and raises self-doubt. But what is this critic, how can we identify it, and most importantly, how do we get out from under the criticism? Our inner critics…
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When the answers don’t help you – look closer at the question you asked
Do you find yourself frustrated on your path to increased insight, balance or inner growth? Do you ask questions, but don’t seem to receive, or understand, or know what to do with the answers? Or do you get answers and follow up on them, only to find yourself walking in circles? If this is you, you might want to take a…
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Opinion factories, reactivity and interacting with the world
Someone asked, “How are you finding the increased hostility and shaming that goes on online these days”? I had to sit with that for a while. It’s been on my mind for a while, and it’s got stronger since the whole corona virus circus started. Heavily one-sided opinions being forged, voiced and defended left, right and centre seems to possibly be…
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Getting curious about your you-nique expression of consciousness
It’s a bit “duuh”, but also quite fascinating: There are no two people exactly alike. Yes, there are different types, instinctual priorities and even life experiences that we can pinpoint fairly well — but the specific combination of those things a well as the undefinable quality that makes you you, are unique for each individual. That’s why you, and your curiosity…
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Finding your type — the forgotten art of letting things take their time
Let’s say you’re a freshly appointed Chief of Operations at a company that you haven’t previously worked at. If you’re at all sensible about it, you don’t start your first week by imposing a new regimen. Instead, you want to get to know the company, its processes, and its staff. Only then can you decide whether you want to make changes…
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When the need for love is the strongest
When I was a teenager, my mother — an enthusiastic Catholic who also happened to enjoy gifting her children with literature — gave me a book by Thomas Merton. I don’t remember the title of the book, or even what it was about. But one sentence had such a deep impact on me that I remember it to this day. The…
The flip side of control and initiative
As an Enneagram Eight, most would agree that one of the good things is that you get things done. There’s the feeling that you are the doer, for better or worse, and whatever you decide will affect everything else. This light (or sometimes, not so light) hubris does come with perks, of course. I seldom get bogged down for long about…